WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
My vagina is officially offended.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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