Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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