I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
id like to know how you successfully locked me in your backseat last night
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
