I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
