The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
