Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
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