You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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