I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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