bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
