You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
Randomize
