It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
