dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
