I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Randomize
