we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
