It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Enjoy the penises
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
