My hand turned me down
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
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