So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
