I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
