my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize