drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
