Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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