While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
there may have been a blood oath never to speak of it again...only reason i can think of as to why there was a 1 inch bloody cut on my right boob
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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