so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Randomize
