I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
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