Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
you fucked my boyfriend. margarita girls night will not fix this.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
