soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
