After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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