How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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