Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Randomize
