The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
