I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
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