my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Randomize
