I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
