dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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