her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
