I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
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