She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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