what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
