he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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