I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
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