I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
Question: why is there a dildo glued to my kitchen table?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Randomize
