I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
And I wrote a rap so it was actually a productive afternoon minus not paying our bills.
It was like the Ritz Carlton of jails. I got introduced to our criminal system the right way.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
Randomize
