um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Let's get the cat blown out
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
