One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
