Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
