is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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