I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Im watching him eat cream cheese and hot dog buns.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
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