I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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