Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
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