I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize