If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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