Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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