real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Randomize
