Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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