i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I can't turn off my feet"
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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