So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
he couldn't find his key, so we just had sex on his parent's porch while we waited for his mom to get home.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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