Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
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