Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I smell like Dick and happiness
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