nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
