I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
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